A Rediscovered Pile of Reflections

I stumbled upon this little bundle of thoughts today. I had written it months and months ago in a rapid state of self discovery and then, having been able to put my thoughts to words, forgotten it. It's unedited, raw and straight from my whirling mind- really more of a journal entry than a blog post, but somehow it ended up here instead of on paper. Reading it again today was a sweet, sweet reminder that words have power and can speak to us from past seasons of our lives.

Today was my second-to-last therapy session before my wedding + move to Oregon. Walking through the door of my airy Queen Anne home, I delved right into my after therapy reflections with my roommate prodding me on to discovery. Being able to talk out loud about what was mulled over during my time there internally solidifies for me the reflections I had.

I've learned a lot, as most people say when they've been to therapy for any extended period of time. And like them, I would recommend it to anyone.

I've realized that I have needs. No matter how much I want to push them aside and attend to every single other person in my life. I need time for reflection. I need to reach out for help. I need snuggles, empathy, a listening ear...all the things I want so badly to give away, I need to learn to ask and receive.

I've realized talking is important. Silence is NOT always golden. Feelings need to be followed through with communication. Sorry's need to be said. Laughter at one's own mistakes needs to be heard. Sorrows, joys, misunderstandings, respect...these all deserve equal attention and verbalization.

I've realized that fears can be faced. I had unintentionally decided that there were risks I'd never be able to take. And those have been faced and broken down, one by one. With an outlet to safely voice each fear and then pick it apart till it was nothing but shreds of expelled insecurities, I was able to enrich my daily life. Thoughts have become so much stronger, standing up for myself and making decisions has become closer to second nature, and I am more content with myself.

I wish I could go back to that sunny, light afternoon and ask myself about the words that were collecting into piles as my hands flew over the keys. All I know is, I'm grateful for that moment when I decided that what I had learned was important enough to record- it's a little chunk of the past that got to speak to me months later while in a new state, with a new job, a precious husband and new decisions ahead of me.    -Abigail


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